As I healed, value began to mean more to me. Value of self. Value of love. Value of my being as a whole. Over the years, I DATED THE SAME GUY IN A DIFFERENT BODY! He never changed. Same qualities, unnecessary lies, cheating…it never changed. I couldn’t understand why. Nice. Intelligent. Pretty. But nothing changed about the caliber of men I attracted. Why?!?
Opposites attract. Likenesses also attract. For so many years I hid the real me, I wouldn’t open up to anyone, not allow folks to get close to me. It was me, in male form. I wasn’t a liar or a cheater but I may as well have been since I was wearing a mask. Only getting to know others on a surface deep level, it finally made sense. These people were a reflection of who I’d become. A shell of the true me. I wouldn’t allow myself to love. Sheltered my heart from fear of being hurt.
I attracted who I was at the time.
I used to wear rose colored glasses too; seeing people for their potential of who I knew they could be instead of the individual actually standing in front of me. Life changes drastically when you look at the real version of a person instead of the Made-up, potential based version that lived in your head.
Today, I listen more than I talk. Show me who you are. No preconceived notions, just your words and your actions forming an individual, the real you.
I hadn’t imagined I would be so whole again, not in a million years. I’ve learned to be by myself, I thoroughly enjoy my own company. I’m alone but I’m not lonely.