2022 ended rather rough for me. The decisions I’d made and the things I’d wished for had started to come to fruition but they didn’t look like I’d pictured. I needed to know if I could ever truly stand on my own…not leaning on my parents or anyone else, just me. The answer: YES, I CAN! I also have a greater understanding of accepting help in times of need. I had a point to prove to myself. I know when I can handle it all and I know when I need some help.
Asking for help has always been hard for me, I became overly independent over the years due to my beliefs that no one would help or care about my situation anyhow. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. My family and friends have been amazing to me, every step of the way in this single parenting journey. For years I was mad at the world because of the choices I’d made, when it was my choice to move the way I moved. After years of unpacking my own emotional baggage, I realized I had to get out of my own way. In my life, I had become my biggest obstacle. My pride rose, my ego grew and I shut out everyone . Good. Bad. It didn’t matter. I was heartbroken and I became my pain. “F” the world….
Writing out my feelings helped me release some of the pain. Some memories were too much to write out, flashbacks through the locked doors in my mind (accompanied by tears) helped me release other dark portions of my minds the hindered my growth. Healing required your full attention. I had to understand that healing wasn’t a straight line, it was a labyrinth to places in my mind.
I am loved. I am appreciated. I deserve the best life has to offer. I am and forever will be ENOUGH!
Ms Celeste