Healing by definition is making or becoming sound or healthy again. In my case, healing meant removing the suppression of my emotions, dealing with my fears and restoring my mental health after depression.
So, how did I get to a point where I needed healing?
My childhood involved my mother being injured, almost losing her life. My father taking his own life. All before I became a teenager. I chose, unbeknownst to myself, to live in a reality I created. One that was prettier than my reality. I retreated into my world. I chose not to feel, I didn’t get close to anyone. I spent a lot of time alone.
As I got older, I became a people pleaser. I tried to give others the happiness I longed for because it seemed as though it wasn’t in the cards for me to be happy. In 2019, my pot boiled over. I was completely empty. I suffered with depression, became a shell and went through the motions of life. Sad. Tear filled. Angry. The people in my life were all TAKERS at that time. They would call, text or FaceTime and I’d give them what they required to get through their days. Money, advice, rides in my car—whatever they needed, I obliged. If I needed someone to talk to, there was never an open ear. All were too busy for my mediocre problems. After months of being left to fend for myself after giving selflessly to everyone that required my time, I broke down….
At the end of 2019, the beginning of 2020, I didn’t know what to do but I knew something had to be done before my mental health got worse. February 4, 2020, my healing journey began.
Ms Celeste Holloway