I finally got in contact with my ex, he gave me all the kids belongings and my own. He didn’t divorce me, we remain married until this day. So, what’s next? I had no money, I had no job and I’d just moved from Pensacola, Florida back to Louisiana. My daughters and I lived with my parents. I took temp jobs here and there, my car was in my ex’s name, he stopped paying the car note. I was spinning! I started working these temp jobs. I was from job to job as they would expire, I didn’t like the idea of being so unstable. In 2008, I spoke with my aunt that lived in Texas, she said there were better jobs and more opportunities there, I packed myself up and went to Texas to stay with my aunt and get myself together. My parents kept my daughters. The job market was not so kind to me, back to Louisiana.
Again, I was from job to job making little to no money, even though I had recently graduated from college with my Bachelors degree in business. I felt like a failure. Again with the tears, I turned in the car and was able to get a little car to get me back and forth, the temp jobs did come in handy.
In 2009, I dated this guy, probably shouldn’t have been dating because mentally I was in a fog. My mindset was simply get back on my feet, have a better life for my children. December 2009, my back pain was in excruciating, I go to the ER. They kept me. I gave birth to a little boy. I didn’t gain much weight, I didn’t see much change in my appearance. Now I was a mother of 3; a new baby with a guy I didn’t see a future with. I stayed home with my parents to raise my son for a few months. Still actively searching for employment.
In 2011, I got a steady job. I was excited! Things were steady but I didn’t get many hours, which meant I didn’t get much money. I worked there while searching for more work. It happened, I got an interview in early 2012, I found a job that payed a little more and was steady. I was able to find an apartment that was income based, got my own place and I was in a better head space. The father of my son and I tried to make it work but it wasn’t meant to be. Prank phone calls from women, drama with his new lady each time I’d called about our child and just a horrible exchange. I did my best to stay away from him, I finally accomplished it when he married his new lady. He stopped bothering me, still avoiding helping me raise our child.
More anger, more frustration, and new financial responsibilities all came at the same time. 2013, a storm came and my apartment was unlivable. Back to live with my parents. I stayed several months before finding a new place I could afford. 2014, I’m in my new apartment. My ex started financially helping me take care of our daughters. Life was getting Good again.
2016, I decided I wanted a change—something major. I pack up my babies and move to Hillsborough, NC. We stayed for 6 months. Financially, it was too much for me based on my income from my job. Back to Louisiana. Another failure, in my eyes.
I kept thinking look at what they’ve done to my life. I took no accountability for everything that had happened, the choices I’d made and the people I decided to accept into my life. I was a victim, according to myself.