Growing up, my mom held me to a different standard from my brother. I started feeling I had to be the best in everything I did, nothing wrong with that…right? Wrong! If I wasn’t perfect at something, I was harsh on myself. An extension of how I felt as a child. Stories mom told about me made her happiest when I did more than was expected. Falling short of those expectations made me feel shunned, almost as though the love was conditional. As I grew up, mentally, I came to the understanding that my mom wasn’t trying to withhold her love. In her own way, she didn’t want me to become the stereotype that surrounded me.
I remember breaking down and telling my mom that I wasn’t perfect, she said I was to her. I didn’t understand back then, I think I was about 19 years old, but I understand now as a mother. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting the best for your child, Nothing wrong with that at all! However, the way that you express your desires and enforce this way of thinking does matter. If you’re overly abrasive or reject your child when they don’t excel, this could cause them to feel they’re not good enough or they aren’t allowed to make mistakes because of the consequences from those meant to love and protect them. Communication is only effective if you seek to be understood and not only heard. Be kind. Be gentle. Mental health starts as early as childhood.
